9 Tips For Communication During Your Divorce

So, maybe you’ve figured out that your marriage isn’t working and you and your partner decided to call it quits. But, how do you communicate with each other during the rocky and tough divorce proceedings? Many issues can be communicated through family lawyers, but some things are better communicated between soon-to-be-divorced spouses instead of lawyers. Here is everything you need to know.

Keep Your Anger In Check

Anger isn’t going to lead you anywhere. It’s an outburst of a lot of things that you don’t mean, so if you think you’re going to burst out in anger, then it’s probably best that you don’t communicate at all. If you want to keep the lines of communication open between you and your soon-to-be ex, then you both need to do something about the anger.

Since you two are not together anymore, digging up the past won’t make much of a difference and so won’t anger. Keep things friendly so that you both can go your separate ways without saying anything that hurts the other person, no matter who was wrong in the first place.

What’s done is done and you can’t change anything with anger and resentment. Be the bigger person and try to move forward with love and acceptance. Only then will the burden in your heart be lessened and you will be able to look at things from a new and fresh perspective and that’s a huge win for you.

Don’t Over-Communicate

While communication is important with your ex, even if you both are getting divorced, it’s not a good idea to overshare information with each other. You don’t know how that information might be perceived by the other person, so it’s best to keep the communication at a surface level.

If you’re worried that you will over-communicate with your ex about your life, then it’s best to have to mediator with you during your meetings. So that they can help you set a boundary in regards to how much you want to share with your ex and what you want to keep to yourself.

Avoid External Influences

When going through a divorce, it can be really easy to let what others say to you or about you get to your head. So, you want to ensure that your surroundings are not toxic at all. This is why it can be a good idea to keep social media at bay for a couple of days until you get your bearings straight and get emotionally strong and stable to be able to deal with everything that’s being thrown at you.

Also, it might be time for you to end those toxic friendships that aren’t doing anything for you, as far as self-improvement and growth is concerned. You don’t need people tearing you down every single time for making decisions that are yours to make, so be stern and don’t allow toxicity into your life. Make your life as peaceful as it can be and focus on yourself.

Think Before You Speak

This is also another great thing to do if you want the communication between you and your ex to go smoothly. It’s good to have a script of sorts to reference when you’re trying to talk to your ex. Of course, it’s not easy being a stranger to someone you were married to before, but you need to weigh your words and think about things that need to be said, and things that are better left unsaid.

This is more for you than it is for anyone else, and thinking before you speak will only give you more freedom as you both go about your separate ways. This is why you need to think about what needs to be communicated with your ex, even if it’s something related to your kids, or the divorce settlement. Your lawyer can also help you out in this regard.

Make Some Space

Sometimes, you just don’t want to communicate and that’s completely okay. Especially if it’s the initial days of separation, you don’t feel like talking to anyone or being social, let alone with your ex-spouse.

Space can set things into perspective for you and you can do a lot of thinking when you’re alone. You can go down history and think about all of the times when each person was wrong. Space and alone time is also necessary for self-reflection because sometimes you can be at fault too, and if you realize this, then that is a part of growing mature as well.

This can cool down some partners and they go for an amicable divorce and use uncontested divorce attorneys Fairfax VA for an easier divorce.

Modes Of Communication

Communication doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to sit across from your spouse and talk things out. There are many modes of communication that you can try if you’re not willing to take that plunge just yet. You can talk via text, call, or even email.

If you want, you can have the lawyers communicate with each other, but at some point, you need to realize that actual one-on-one communication is beyond necessary and you are going to have to sort some things on your own and that can’t be done through lawyers or an email or call.

Don’t Play The Blame Game

You and your ex are both mature people, so it’s not fitting for people your age to play the blame game. Instead of pointing fingers at each other and going at each other’s throats, it’s better to settle things more cordially and amicably.

Now, there’s a huge misconception that you need to be nice and polite to each other. Well, you can and cannot be. You can be cordial to each other and have a friendly conversation without going off the rails, but you don’t need to like the person to be able to talk to them.

Try To Involve Less People

Communication is something that’s best done between the two partners. If you involve more people, like your family and friends, then it’s only going to worsen things because there are a lot of narratives and opinions and it’s virtually impossible to keep up with all of them.

So, when you’re communicating or starting to communicate with your ex, regardless of what it’s about, make sure that you’re making it as less complicated as possible by not involving friends or family in the debacle because chances are that things are going to take a wrong turn as soon as more than two people are involved.

Set Boundaries

This is important for those people who tend to blurt out anything and everything, you need to set boundaries, even in communication.

It’s really easy to go off about things and say things you aren’t supposed to and the other person might take it as a sign that you’re willing to share more than you can get in return and that can be super toxic. So, practice what you want to say and draw a line where the communication needs to end.


Radio silence is not healthy at all when going through a divorce. Healthy communication still keeps some of the amicable aspects of the relationship alive, so don’t let go of that integral part. Your divorce attorney Fairfax VA should know when and what you talked about with your spouse so they can give you better legal advice.

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